To the Agindingbi Town Hall on this dismal and wet late June morning where Baba Lekki, the famous contrarian and veteran hell raiser, is holding a seminar for politically displaced people, PDP. Ever since the president of the republic dismissed the motley crowd of political chancers hankering after his job as “political IDPs” tongues have been wagging as to whether IDP was the same as PDP and whether a lethal combination of the two meant DOD (Dead on Delivery). In a litigious society where litigation itself had been known to have been sued for not being litigative enough, one must proceed with caution in these matters. This morning with a fretful and rather nervous Okon in tow, the old man cut a figure of scholarly sobriety and legal gravitas. He had brought with him maps, sketches and political memorabilia to prove that the opposition had deliberately committed suicide which amounted to voluntary self-elimination. But before things could get on an even keel, a huge disturbance emanated from the back of the hall which was packed full with miscreants, scoundrels and political Oblomovs.
“Oga mi I never chop for three days, abi na so so politics we go chop? I no be PDP, I be EDP”, a rotund man with huge biceps screamed from the back.
“And what is that?” an irate freelance thug demanded. With his mahogany frame and scarified face, it was obvious he was not a person to mess around with.
“Economically Deprived People”, the rotund man shouted.
“Ha, I see. He is one of these Obidient people. He has been brought to disturb baba. If he doesn’t shut his mouth, I will seal it for him”, the mahogany man threatened as he began hauling a huge brown amulet out of his pocket. Things seemed to have simmered down considerably after that.
“As I was saying,” the old man began, “ADA is Brought In Dead. They are dead politicians disturbing the peace of the land, it will end in what the Yoruba people call ADANU or great loss”. The audience swooned at this great play on words with one of them hailing the old recidivist as a great genius lost to the world of native poetry.
“Baba, so what will become of a great man like Atiku? Na my in-law from Ilesha,” one man asked from the crowd with a funereal hiccup. Baba Lekki burst into a deranged smile.
“Foolish man, why you no warn your in-law when him dey climb Langbodo tree? I warned Atiku. I told him these foolish wazobia boys will take all his money and run away. Now, they have broken the camel’s back. Atiku don become Tinko meat. Nwon ti pa ketekete” (They have killed donkey!) The entire hall erupted in applause.
At this point, the old man began singing and dancing the ketekete classic to the great delight of the crowd.
Culled from The Nation
