Elon Musk, everybody’s favorite eccentric billionaire, has done it again. This time, he’s set his sights on the infamous Alcatraz island, which he plans to transform into a futuristic new Twitter headquarters. Yes, you read that right. The prison, once home to some of the country’s most dangerous criminals, will soon be home to some of the country’s most passionate Twitter employees.
According to Musk, the move is all about efficiency. “We need our most dedicated employees working around the clock to monetize Twitter,” he declared in a recent press conference. “And what better place to do that than a former prison? The isolation, the lack of distractions, it’s perfect.”
But certain details of Musk’s plan aren’t as dystopian as you might fear, given the project’s controversial context. He’s promised to outfit the entire island with the latest and greatest technology, including self-driving golf carts and robot chefs. “All employees who are willing to sign their life over to me deserve the best,” he said. “And that’s what we’re going to give them.”
Not everyone is on board with Musk’s plan. Critics have raised concerns about the historic preservation of the island, and have questioned whether or not it’s appropriate to turn a former prison into a corporate headquarters. But Musk isn’t worried. “Look, Alcatraz has been closed for years. It’s just sitting there, unused. Why not put it to good use?” he argued.
As for the prisoners who once called Alcatraz home? Musk has promised to honor their legacy by turning their old cells into luxury offices. “We’re going to keep the bars on the windows, of course,” he joked. “But we’ll add some beanbag chairs and free snacks to make it more comfortable.”
Perhaps the most interesting part of Musk’s proposal is his plan for employee incentives. Every time an employee comes up with a new monetization strategy that proves successful, they will be given a “get out of jail free” card that will allow them to leave work early that day. And if an employee comes up with a particularly brilliant idea, they may even be able to earn a day off from work altogether.
In the end, the success of Musk’s proposal will depend on whether or not he can strike the right balance between innovation and preservation. Alcatraz is a place with a complex history, and it will take a careful touch to turn it into something that everyone can be proud of.
What will Musk come up with next? Maybe he’ll buy the moon and turn it into a giant amusement park. Or maybe he’ll finally unveil his plans for a flying car. Whatever it is, you can bet it’ll be out of this world.
Architizer
